Does the below article seem on point or far-fetched?
Since more and more women (regardless of what tax bracket we are in) are learning to become independent, due to our society’s continuous movement towards gender equality, I did like the point the author made under idea #2 about the benefits of men and women viewing each other as equals when entering into relationships. I also like the point the author made in idea #3 about men actually being turned on by ambitious, hard working women. There is an urban legend running amonk within our generation that women who are “too successful” will always make men feel threatened. This has always been overgeneralized nonsense to me. But for those who hold on to such thoughts as their own personal truth, I can see how these thoughts can easily manifest into how one experiences life and relationships.
Anytime our thoughts contain such phrases as “always,” “never,” “all the time,” etc., these are what cognitive therapists relate to as maladaptive automatic thoughts. And thoughts are indeed very powerful, as you can literally use your thoughts to determine how you choose to experience any present situation. Sadly, a lot of our automatic thoughts are mistaken for personal truths or facts, so we develop a pattern of focusing on that which supports our personal truths in life, ignoring all potential experiences that can contradict such personal truths.
By D. Zinczenko
January 15, 2008
I have a friend who spent two weeks in Europe with his girlfriend, and some of it didn't go too well. He didn't like the haircut she got pre-trip.
She didn't like the way his eye wandered on the streets of Paris. They fought some. So when my friend got back home, he asked a wise friend (no, certainly not me) what he should do.
Here's the advice he got: Every relationship is going to come up against some obstacles. They'll either break it up, or make it stronger. If it ends, it wasn't meant to be. If you push through, the relationship will be better than ever.
That's stuck with me for a long time, in part because my friend is now 21 years into marriage with that one-time girlfriend. So I'm just guessing that their relationship grew stronger when they faced obstacles. What made the difference for my friend, and for guys in general, when they face that step-up or break-up moment? Here are some ideas....
Marriage Maker 1: (In)dependence
Guys like all the things that can come with marriage - the companionship, the safety, a guarantee of having good sheets on the bed and good reasons to change them. But one of the things they fear the most: that they're going to feel more constricted than David Blaine in an ice block.
While most men understand that being married doesn't mean that they can play six nights a week like they did in their bachelor days, they also want to feel like they have the blessing, support, and encouragement to play golf with their pals every once in a while, to knock a few back at the sports bar when the big game is on, to still feel free even when they've willingly surrendered some independence.
Marriage Maker 2: Adoring, Yet Not Needy
Few things turn a guy on as much as a woman who makes her man feel like he's the only guy for her. And few things turn off a guy as much as a woman who makes her man feel like he's the only guy for her.
Right, both statements are the same, but hugely different. It all has to do with where the woman and man are coming from. If they're equals, they're not making undue claims on each other, and they can be an even stronger pair. If either one of them is weak and needy, however, that emotional burden can drag both partners down. So, throw your partner some compliments and some assurances, but don't tell him the planets spin around him.
He knows they don't, and will question your sanity if you say they do. Especially at the start of a relationship, it won't hurt for him to know that you're perfectly OK without him, thank you very much, but that it's more fun when you're together. A light touch early can produce strong bonds later.
Marriage Maker 3: An Imaginative Mind
There's a lot of press these days about men who worry about dating successful women, that they feel their masculinity is threatened if their women make more money or have more power. To that I say baloney (low-fat).
Men are very turned on by women who have big goals, big dreams, and big imaginations - whether they're career-oriented or not. Because when a woman is driven, that means that she's moving forward, and the whole family is, too.
Marriage Maker 4: Jekyll and Hyde
Not that we want our partners to flip-flop and pretend to be people they're not, but there's something intrinsically exciting about a partner who has the ability to be a sort of chameleon - a little fun and imaginative in bed, yet charming at a family reunion.
It's the all-in-one woman who can equally pull off the roles of wife, mother, boss, friend, neighbor, vixen. That's not asking too much, is it? After all, if a guy is going to commit for a lifetime, he'll want his partner to be able to react to a lifetime's worth of challenges and opportunities, right?
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