WHO'S ON TOP?

By Martha Beck

Who's smarter, prettier, richer? Who's got a better backhand, a flatter stomach, a faster-track job? If you can't stop comparing yourself to others, you've got a case of what Asian philosophers call monkey mind, and, honey, it will only drive you bananas. Martha Beck directs you to a more evolved, happier plane.

Marie is doing Alice's hair when along comes Tanya, a mutual acquaintance. Tanya has the perfect life: great body, well-behaved children, primo social status. Watching her walk by, Alice admires her beauty, then relaxes into the pleasant sensation of Marie's hands arranging her hair. Marie, by contrast, nearly explodes with jealousy and competitiveness. Her teeth and stomach clench as she watches Tanya flaunt her long limbs, thick hair, and—most enviable of all—her hugely swollen, rose-red rump. Tanya, Marie, and Alice are baboons, social primates who share around 95 percent of our DNA and a lot of our psychological traits. Scientists have found that some baboons (like Marie) are extremely competitive, others (like Alice) more mellow, less worried about measuring up. The more rank-conscious baboons suffer higher blood pressure—a stress-related condition we associate with driven, competitive humans.

No wonder some Asian philosophies refer to rank-obsessed human thinking as "monkey mind" and "comparing mind"—what I call "crazy mind." Constantly measuring ourselves against others sours and shortens our lives, robbing us of the very things we think it will bring: prosperity, love, inner peace, the knowledge that we're good enough. We have advantages baboons do not, though. We can notice when we've stumbled into monkey mind, and we can think our way out.

Why "Comparing Mind" Is Insane

Comparing and contrasting is a valuable human skill—and not just during high school English exams. Our ability to rank-order things is invaluable in making choices and setting priorities. But problems arise when comparing mind is the only mode of perception we access. Every gathering, conversation, or friendship becomes a stressful contest: Will I "win" in this situation, or will someone else turn out to be prettier, smarter, richer, thinner…in a word, better?

This way of thinking is absurd, because outside the realm of human perception, the concept of better is meaningless. Here's a challenge for you: Go outside and find the best possible stick. Why aren't you going? Perhaps because the request is ridiculous. What do I mean by "the best possible stick"? For doing what? Digging? Toasting marshmallows? Poking a weasel? A stick that's ideal for one purpose might be useless for another.

This makes comparing mind a setup for failure. Even if you can be the world's best at one thing, you'll be the world's worst at something else. Supermodels make pathetic sumo wrestlers. A brilliant orator who speaks only one language sounds like a babbling fool in another. If you spent your life mastering all languages, you might still suck at engineering, croquet, watercolor, etc. Since comparing mind hates being less than best at anything, you lose. Always. The relentless search for victory, security, love, and self-esteem invariably ends in failure, insecurity, enmity, and self-hatred.

Slowly Going Bananas

It seems that no matter where you are on the planet, the competitive madness was bred into your cells and reinforced in countless social interactions. But you can learn to watch for monkey mind to appear, to notice when it starts tainting your life. Like a virus, it generally sneaks up on you unseen; what you'll observe are its symptoms. Here are some telltale diagnostics:

You get irritable or depressed when someone else succeeds.

You don't feel loved or loving.

Meeting a successful person, you feel anxious rather than honored.

It seems to you that a victorious end justifies morally dubious means.

You actively hope for others to do badly or to fail.

You don't know what you like until you know what others think.

You're dogged by shame; you never feel good enough.

Winning creates a brief happy moment, which quickly gives way to anxiety.

Losing devastates you to the point of despair.

You criticize everyone and believe everyone is criticizing you.

THE SECRETS YOU'RE NOT TELLING YOURSELF

I think the below message is highly relevant. Perhaps it’s because of the amount of time I focus on researching how repression subjectively functions, and in turn the self-defeating behavior patterns it creates. Counterattacking (i.e., externalizing), Escaping & Surrendering (different styles of incongruently coping) are no substitute …

By Martha Beck

You may not want to get in touch with your messiest feelings—sadness, rage, resentment—but one way or another, they're going to get in touch with you. Martha Beck shows you how to defuse and deal.

"Of course I'm out of my mind," said one of my daughter's friends the other day. "It's dark and scary in there!"

I wish all of us were so honest. Freud's great contribution was the recognition that consciousness holds only a small fraction of the things we know and feel. Beneath this tidy space lie the subconscious and unconscious levels of thought—cavern systems containing hidden labyrinths and spooky creatures. It's a place most of us avoid, pushing away dark thoughts in a process known as repression.

The problem is that, as therapists like to say, "What we resist persists." The further we withdraw from difficult issues, the more likely they are to spill out. The only way to keep this from happening is to go spelunking in our own forbidden, forbidding depths.

The Things We Almost Know

Repression sometimes occurs involuntarily—for instance, when soldiers in battle experience so much pain and fear that they psychologically dissociate and later have a flat, emotionless memory (or no memory at all) of the event. Most repression, however, involves an element of choice. This is not the kind of explicit decision-making we use to solve intellectual problems but the conditioned avoidance of psychological pain.

This can be exhausting, because the mind doesn't like hiding things from itself. We often deal with this by keeping our attention riveted on other things: eating, shopping, work, television, alcohol—anything but quiet relaxation. The best long run result we can hope for is chronic stress; the worst, flat-out breakdown. To figure out whether you may benefit from mental cave diving, take this quiz.

The antidote to repression is expression. Here's a five-step process to help your conscious mind tunnel through the walls of denial: http://www.oprah.com/spiritself/omag/ss_omag_200503_mbeck_b.jhtml

(MY) "WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?" QUIZ RESULTS ...

You aren't repressing much. You can generally trust yourself to maintain an even keel and a healthy emotional life. You're a good judge of people, but you tend to be a bit gullible and naive. It might help to remember not everyone is as open and straightforward as you are.

The Four Agreements

Love the 4 points by D. M. Ruiz below, especially the “Don’t Take Anything Personally” rule!! Personalization is a huge maladaptive thought pattern that is all too common. If one never becomes aware of socialized habits of personalization, not only when and what others are projecting onto us, but also our own patterns of projecting our subjective repressed emotions onto everyone we interact with, I strongly believe that self-liberation can never be reached. Additionally, even if you’re not that into observing energy fields, just imagine the type of energy you permit out into your environment, and what you attract back when functioning from a stance of personalization, unaware projections and repressed emotions. No fun to say the least … and if you’re a big externalizer, I can just imagine how exhausting many interactions must become for you!

Yet, talk about self-liberation … as soon as one realizes just how irrelevant the opinions and mind-chatter of others are, so much needless worry & assumptions can be let go of, and your energy can be better spent focused elsewhere on manifesting something so much more fruitful and prosperous!! As I’ve been saying since 2008 began (and just in time since it’s a political year) people truly are worth so much more than just their opinions. Think about it … is the core essence of who individuals are defined by their thoughts (which are always subject to change based on life exps/exposure), or are you capable of seeing others (in addition to yourself) separate from their opinions/thoughts? Are you able to see within yourself and others all the various unique components that make up who you/they are in your/their totality?

The Four Agreements
by Don Miguel Ruiz

According to Don Miguel Ruiz, everything we do is based on agreements we have made—agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy, and diminish our self-worth.

In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel reveals the source of self-limiting agreements that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. When we are ready to change these agreements, there are four deceptively simple, yet powerful agreements that we can adopt as guiding principles. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love.

The Four Agreements are:

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD.Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the of truth and love.

**Note for all you gossip lovers out there: Gossip is a way of avoiding confrontation and a great example of how we break our integrity with ourselves. If gossiping about others makes you feel powerful, perhaps you should look at why you feel powerless. When you gossip and feel badly about yourself afterwards, you're betraying yourself.

DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY.Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST.Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are tired as opposed to well-rested. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.The Four Agreements sound simple, even simplistic. But try keeping just one for an entire day!

Source:

http://www.oprah.com/tows/booksseen/tows_book_20000925_dmruiz.jhtml

LT #2: Abandonment

According to Young & Klosko (1994), those who have Abandonment as their central LT subconsciously believe that they will lose the people they love and be left emotionally isolated forever. Somehow the feeling that you will be left alone, by people dying, leaving you, moving away, etc., never leaves you … you expect to be abandon.

This LT gives you a sense of despair about love. You believe that no matter how good things get, your relationships are destined for a doomed ending. It is also difficult for you to believe that that people will be there for you, and that they are still there for you in some way when they are physically absent (Young & Klosko, 1994).

“Most people are not upset by short separations from their loved ones. They know the relationship will survive the separation intact. But with the Abandonment LT there is no such security … You want to cling to people too much, and you become inappropriately angry of frightened at the possibility of any separation, no matter how slight. Particularly in romantic relationships, you feel emotionally dependant on the other person, and you fear the loss of that intimate connection” (Young & Klosko, 1994, p. 62).

The roots of this LT begin very early in life before an infant learns how to speak, and involve either a connection that once existed, but then was lost, or a parent connection that unpredictably fluctuated between being emotionally present and absent. Please note that just because a parent is physically present does not mean that they are emotionally present and able to connect … you may have had a stable maternal figure, but she may have been instable in the way she related to you. Everything with this LT is dependant upon the degree of connection v. disconnection that was experienced. Because this LT began so early, it has a tremendous emotional force. A person with severe Abandonment responds to even a brief separation with the feelings of a small child who has been abandoned (Young & Klosko, 1994).

Early childhood environments that were either too secure and overprotected, (creating the belief that one cannot survive alone), or emotionally unstable (creating the belief that instability and loss are always certain) create this LT. When it comes to emotional instability, a child who experiences an emotional intimate connection that is then lost grows up not being able to bear being apart from the people he/she loves because of the way he/she feels without them. It becomes a matter of feeling like you are connected or disconnected to the rest of humanity. When any close connection is lost you are thrown into nothingness (Young & Klosko, 1994).

Loss of a parent at an early age (separation via death, divorce, adoption, illness, etc.) is the most dramatic origin of this LT, particularly during the first year of an infant’s life. Generally the earlier the loss, the more vulnerable the child and the more potent the LT is going to be. How deeply the loss will affect you throughout your life depends on the quality of your intimate connections created with others. For example, if you are able to establish a connection with a substitute parent, such as a stepparent that can help.

Origins of the Abandonment LT (Young & Klosko, 1994, p. 68):

1. You may have a biological predisposition to separation anxiety – difficulty being alone.

2. A parent died or left home when you were young.

3. Your biological mother was hospitalized or separated from you for a prolonged period when you were a child.

4. You were raised by nannies or in an institution by a succession of mother figures, or you were sent away to boarding school at a very young age.

5. Your mother was unstable. She became angry, drunk, depressed, or in some way withdrew from you on a regular basis.

6. Your parents divorced when you were young or fought so much that you worried the family would fall apart.

7. You lost the attention of a parent in a significant way, ex: your parent remarried or younger siblings were born.

8. Your family was excessively close and you were overprotected. You never learned to deal with life difficulties as a child.

Once this LT is triggered, the common cycle of negative emotions are fear, grief, and then anger. Usually you need other people around you to feel soothed. However, some w/this LT can also be alone for long periods of time due to a desire to withdraw from close relationships out of hurt and fear of being hurt again. Those who withdraw do so based on already facing a certain level of loneliness as a child, learning from that experience that they can survive. Being withdrawn is not the issue … the process of loss is what is devastating. Pain stems from having a connection, then losing it and being thrown back into loneliness one more time. As children, these withdrawn types who suffer from Abandonment, responded to the loss of a connection by becoming more autonomous. Since no one took care of them, they learned how to take care of themselves (Young & Klosko, 1994).

As with all LTs, Abandonment is triggered mostly through intimate relationships. It may not be apparent in groups or casual relationships, but separations from intimate loved ones are the most powerful triggers. The separation does not even have to be real … thoughts, or reading the intent of others (sometimes falsely) to separate is enough to trigger this LT. Anything that feels disconnected can trigger this LT. The feeling of being abandon is so easily triggered because feeling emotionally abandonment is always with you (Young & Klosko, 1994).

Overall those with this LT seldom experience romantic relationships that are calm and steady. Often they experience roller coaster rides, feeling that a relationship is on the brink of catastrophe … constant anxiety over the possibility that the connection to the loved one could be lost. Relationships always feel unstable, and the sense that you might lose the person you love is always there. Jealousy and possessiveness are also common themes. Becoming excessively clingy early in the relationship is common. Clinging reinforces this LT because it reinforces the idea that you are going to lose the person. It keeps the possibility of abandonment alive in the relationship. Some people cope with this LT by avoiding intimate relationships altogether(Young & Klosko, 1994).

People with this LT are most likely drawn to lovers who hold some potential for abandoning them, allowing you to create your own self-fulfilling prophecy and constantly re-experience the trauma that this LT caused you as a child. Some warning signs that you relationship is triggered by your Abandonment LT are as follows (Young & Klosko, 1994, p. 73):

1. You chose a partner who is unlikely to make a long-term commitment because he/she is married or involved in another relationship.

2. Your partner is not consistently available for you to spend time together (e.g., he/she travels a lot, lives far away, is a workaholic, etc.).

3. Your partner is emotionally unstable.

4. Your partner insists on his/her freedom to come and go, does not want to settle down, or wants the freedom to have as many lovers as he/she wishes.

5. Your partner is ambivalent about you – he/she wants you, but holds back emotionally; or one moment acts deeply in love w/you and the next moment acts as though you do not exist.

You have a pattern of being attracted to partners who present some hope for stability, but not complete hope – who present a mixture of hope and doubt. You get a rush from the possibility that you might win the person permanently, or at least get the person to relate to you in a more stable fashion. Living in an unstable love relationship feels comfortable and familiar to you because it is what you have always known. This instability keeps activating your LT, generating a steady flow of “chemistry.” This is what you define as being/staying passionately in love. Choosing partners who are not really there for you ensures that you will continue to reenact your childhood abandonment (Young & Klosko, 1994).

How your Abandonment LT plays out in a relationship (Young & Klosko, 1994, p. 74):

1. You avoid intimate relationships even w/appropriate partners because you are afraid of losing the person or getting too close and being hurt.

2. You worry excessively about the possibility that your partner will die or otherwise be lost, and what you would do.

3. You overact to minor things your partner says or does, and interpret them as signs that he/she wants to leave you.

4. You are excessively jealous and possessive.

5. You cling to your partner. Your whole life becomes obsessed with keeping him/her.

6. You cannot stand to be away from your partner, even for a few days.

7. You are never fully convinced that your partner will stay with you.

8. You get angry and accuse your partner of not being loyal or faithful.

9. You sometimes detach, leave or withdraw to punish your partner for leaving you alone.

Also, it is possible that you are in a healthy, stable relationship, but still continue to feel that the relationship is unstable. Because of this, a common pattern is often found of pushing the people you love away with one hand, while clinging to them with the other (Young & Klosko, 1994).

People with this LT usually do not feel good when they are alone – possibly becoming anxious, detached or depressed. Detachment in particular is the way in which one copes with this LT by counterattacking. When you are detached you are denying the need for a connection. There is usually some anger mixed in with your detachment and it is partly punitive. You punish your partner for withdrawing from you, for not giving you what you need. This may help you temporarily cope, but you pay a steep price by giving up your feelings to exist as a chilly emotional numbness (Young & Klosko, 1994).

A real loss, such as the breakup of a relationship is completely devastating to you. It confirms your sense that no matter where you turn you will never find a stable connection. You also have an underlying view of friendships as unstable. You believe that you cannot really count on them to last. People come and go in your life.

Young & Klosko (1994) list 6 ways you can change your Abandonment LT (p. 77):

1. Understand the root cause of your childhood abandonment.

2. Monitor your feelings of abandonment. Identify your hypersensitivity to losing close people; your desperate fears of being alone; your need to cling to people.

3. Review past relationships and clarify the patterns that recur.

4. Avoid uncommitted, unstable, or ambivalent partners even though they generate high chemistry. When you find a partner who is stable and committed, trust him/her. Believe that he/she is there for you and will not leave you.

5. Do not cling, become jealous or overreact to the normal separations of a healthy relationship.

*Note: “After so much experience w/abandonment, it is hard to learn to trust. But this is the only way to finally step out of the cycle and find fulfillment in love. Get off the roller coaster. Give up the wild, unstable love in favor of the strong and steady” (Young & Klosko, 1994, p. 81).

*Photo by Ray BiCliff

Love Quotes: Manifesting and Finding True Love

Because I’m a true believer that the majority of things we aimlessly search for in life externally have internally been within us all along, I thought the below article was interesting …

Published by Joann under Love

Love. Now there is the word that have baffled men and women throughout the centuries. And I doubt if anybody can fathom love’s mystery in the near future. Just a 4-letter word that nobody can explain or find its truest form.

Anybody who falls in love risks getting hurt. Love can cause extreme pain and misery. It can alter the course of one’s life. But why are we still hoping to find love? Because happiness beyond measure is love’s promise to those who can find it in its truest form. Those who haven’t fallen in love have daydreamed endlessly of a true love. And even the ones who have been hurt are still hoping to find it.

Filling yourself with love first is the key to manifesting and finding true love. Like energy attracts the same. That is the law. Manifesting and finding true love does not start anywhere else but within you.

The following are love quotes from famous people about manifesting and finding love. These love quotes are not arranged in any order, but I have a reason for placing the Buddha love quote first — it is the most basic and the most important.

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. –Buddha

The minute I heard my first love story,I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.They’re in each other all along.–Maulana Jalalu’ddin Rumi

Therefore, if you desire love, try to realize that the only way to get Love is by giving love. That the more you give, the more you get.–Stranger By The River

Those that go searching for love, only manifest their own lovelessness. And the loveless never find love, only the loving find love. And they never have to seek for it.–H. Lawrence

To be loved, be lovable.–Ovid

If I am not worth the wooing, I am surely not worth the winning.–Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.–Tom Robbins

He who wants to do good knocks at the gate: he who loves finds the door open.–Rabrindranath Tagore

There is no remedy for love but to love more.–Henry David Thoreau

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.–A Course in MiraclesArticle

Source:

Joann

Attracting The Love Of Your Life Part 1

Published by Other Authors under Life, Love
Article Source: Manifesting Life Magick

If you’re like every other person out there, the biggest thing you want in your life is someone to love you, and for you to give your love to in return. Some of you may even want the person of your dreams instead of the person you have now. There is nothing wrong with that. So if the love of a lifetime is what everyone truly wants, why is it that so few people find it? Well, there are a couple of reasons.

Below is a list of reasons why most people never realize the love of their life.

1. They don’t love themselves. I know that so many people say this, yet I am amazed at how few really understand what it means. It really is fairly simple. It means learning to be ok with the person you are right now, in this very moment. Learning to be proud of who you have become. Learning to appreciate yourself, as you are, perfectly, in this moment. Knowing you have flaws and being ok with that. Knowing you have things to work on, and being ok with that also. If you don’t learn to appreciate your own unique beauty and self, how can you ever expect someone else to appreciate those things.

2. Most people have no idea what their perfect mate is like. How can you ever expect to attract the love of your life if you are unable to see what that is in your head. If you have no idea, or a very vague idea of what the love of a lifetime means for you, you can’t possibly find it. It would be the same as someone telling you to find the town of Danville. Where would you even begin if you had no access to a map and had to find it just by driving. You don’t even have a state to start with. Is that Danville Pennsylania, or Danville Virginia? Love is no different. You must have a good grasp on what the love of your life would be like.

3. So many people cling to the first person who shows any sign of liking them. I am amazed at how so many people will not buy the first car they see, or the first house they look at. Yet the very same people will grab ahold of the first person who shows them a little attention as though that one person were the last person on earth. There are over 6 billion people on this planet for God’s sake. Don’t settle for someone until they prove to you that they are the person you are looking for.

4. Many people are afraid to go out and meet new people. They are afraid to approach new people and make new friends. Especially if that new person is someone they find attractive and would like to get to know. Most people simply sit and wish for what they want. There must always be action to get to where you want to go. You can’t simply imagine yourself in some gorgeous vacation spot, wiggle your nose, and instantly teleport there. You must buy tickets, show up for the scheduled departure time of your plane, get on the plane, and go to where that spot is. If you want to meet someone, you must get out and get to know people. This really goes back to number 1. Because most people do not love themselves, they are terrified of the rejection. But I am not a dating coach, and how to work on that area of yourself is subject for another article.

5. You must take the time to imagine the love of your life. Feel the feelings of being in love. Imagine the things you would do if you were in love right now. How you would treat that other person. What their hair or perfume or cologne would smell like. Feel them in your arms as you hug them and hold them. Hear their words fall from their lips. Even if you don’t know exactly what the person of your dreams looks like, you can imagine what someone you would be attracted to would look like. Don’t get caught up on one specific person. Be open and willing to receive the type of person who would help you feel wealthy in the arena of love and relationships.

6. Open yourself up to receive love. So many people want specific things, and being specific about what you want is important, however, do not be specific about how you acquire that thing. Allow the universe to do it’s magic. If you imagine the person of your dreams coming to you in a very specific way, like through a job or a hobby, you are limiting the universe to only those specific areas. The universe is much greater and more vast than we can imagine. Allow it to use it’s resources to bring you what it is you want.

7. The moment that the universe offers an opportunity, take it. The second you feel an impulse or a feeling to do something or move in a specific direction, or the moment something happens that seems like a “coincidence,” move. Take action. Do not hesitate. Do not delay. Don’t even blink. Take action and take action immediately. That is your sign from the universe that the opportunity has come. Take it, and move forward.

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Dwayne Gilbert is the founder of www.wealthylifesecrets.com and has been helping people in the area of self-protection and personal development for 10 years. He has authored some of his own books and currently teaches people self-defense andpersonal development strategies and tactics. To get more information on the law of attraction and how to apply it, visit www.wealthylifesecrets.com.

Longer Lives Through Relationships

by Dr. Galen Buckwalter

You’ve gotten pretty good at going to the gym—you also keep the diet reasonable and quit smoking years ago. And you worry about the diseases that have shown up in your family, particularly if there is heart disease or cancer. Or you feel pretty good if your ancestry is filled with people who have lived to 90 years old or beyond. And then of course there is the proverbial bus that we need to dodge each day. All of the exercise and good genes in the world won't stop the laws of physics should we violate them. So you wear your seat belts when driving and a helmet when riding a bike to provide as much protection as possible against simple bad luck. But here is a whole new area of information for you to consider when it comes to living healthy and living long. First, we want you to answer these two questions:

1. How many friends/relatives do you have who you could ask for help were you to need it? ____
2. How happy are you with the amount of emotional support your friends and relatives give to you? Not at all ___ Somewhat ___ Extremely ___

Before you think we have switched topics on you midstream consider these facts. People who have larger and more satisfying social networks live longer, they get Alzheimer's disease less, they can handle stress more effectively, and they are less prone to such disorders of aging as hypertension and diabetes. Further, if you are a married man or woman you are likely to live longer than similar people who are unmarried. Numerous mechanisms have been suggested as the reason why social ties improve health and longevity. The most credible reasons are linked to the findings that relationships improve our ability to handle stress. Non-supportive social interactions actually lower our immune function and cause an increase in glucocorticoids, the stress hormones produced by the brain. Cardiovascular activity also is increased by negative social engagements. And you thought it was all in your head when you felt terrible after meeting with a hypercritical relative or even with a boss who is much better at identifying faults than strengths.

The truth is that such interactions do bad things to your body—both on the short- and long-term. However, supportive social interactions result in the exact opposite effects on your body. Such interactions leave your body tuned to handle whatever may come your way. These findings may well fall into the category an old professor of mine would call the "blooming obvious." Of course we know we feel better after we spend time with friends, when we take the time to develop friendships, when our friends and family go out of their way to support us, and when the people who are most important to us allow us into their lives. It’s all nature's way. But how many of us really take the time to develop friendships and to nurture the friendships we have? Our point to you is that if there ever was a time to start making a concerted effort to develop more friendships and to have fun with those friends, now is the time.

Many of you may be wondering how many friends you need to have. The short answer appears to be the more the better. It certainly is the case that supportive relationships are better for your health than conflicted relationships. So no matter how many friends you have, or how positive you feel about your friends and family, pull out your calendar right now and schedule at least one more time to be with friends or family for each of the next four weeks. And if you are one of those persons who has gotten into a lifestyle where it is work, work, work; where life is spent on the freeway or at your office; where you can’t really remember the last time you took some time to just be with a friend or a loved one, take this as a life-changing opportunity.

If you have less than two friends and if you are not more than Somewhat Happy with your closest relationships, know that you have just identified an area of your life that you can change that will significantly improve your health and your longevity. There’s no need to count on luck, or even on your genes. For you we suggest you schedule an event each week for the next eight weeks. Develop and nurture your relationships and enjoy the benefits of a healthier and longer life.